The Problem: International pirates have made the waters of the 21st century havoc for honest shippers, who desire nothing more than to make a living bringing me my exotic pornography. How can this situation be dealt with fairly and efficiently?
The Solution: The Think Tank smirked, as it was evident that their wisdom was more than a match for this dilemma. One of them, possibly thier leader, leaned forward and began,
"Well, you get two girls..."
What followed was a plan so cunning in it's simplicity and lesbianic qualities that my brain threatened to explode with spontanious joy/fear.
"Why don't pirates rob other pirates?" he asked.
"Hmmmm... I'm not sure..." I replied with a slack-jawed expression.
"Well, it's obvious. They use their salty pirate talk as a form of identification. Thus if you get two girls constantly using pirate talk, they'll leave you alone!"
"But what does that have to do with girls kissing?" I wouldn't be denied my hot girl on girl methodology.
"Well, all that talking is going to make their tongues tired. So occasionally they'll need to massage their tongues, with each other's tongues!"
I almost enlisted in the Peace Corps I was so upset at my lack of foresight. This plan of dirty girls and their aching tongues would undoubtably keep the most grizzled of seafarers at bay! Here's an artist's conception: