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Ladies, aren't you sick of trying to stop the massive flow of the building blocks of life from messing your pants using only a little plastic stick? I know women, and I know how much of a pain it is to manuver a tampon up around all the gears and levers in there, all the while trying to avoid stabbing that leprechaun.
And even when you do get it in place, you've still got a big problem. That's right: Massive Uteral Leakage. It's like putting your thumb over a hose, isn't it? There must be a better way!
Well now there is! That's right, the good people at Why Didn't I Think Of That Inventions have done it again! Introducing The Floodgate. This twenty pound steel drum is guaranteed to fit snugly into baby bags of all shapes and sizes, and once it's in there it will hardly rust.
This diagram of the female reproductive system which labels the colon for obvious reasons shows just how well The Floodgate fits into your most intimate of areas. Once it's in there, tiny claws spring out to anchor itself to your living flesh. This ain't going nowhere, ladies!
When The Floodgate is firmly anchored, it automatically expands to the size of three healthy watermelons, completely blocking off every possible source of God's tomato juice! The Floodgate's heavy duty construction means that once it's in you never have to take it out, which is perfect because we're not sure how to get it out. Imagine a lifetime of never having to worry about crotch bleeding. You would be like a man, and thus that much closer to a complete human being!
You can play tennis!
The Floodgate: Looks Like Things Have Changed For The Better, Girls!
Note: The FDA does not recommend The Floodgate be used on living anatomy. Why Didn't I Think Of That Inventions does not take responsibility for massive abdominal hemorraging. Have you said hello to your pets today?