You are visitor 142079, a syphilis-carrying nude hacking salty toddler
July 27, 2017

Moby - Play
WHO FARTED!?!?!
I used to really like this album. I'm a big fan of Everything is Wrong, and when I first got this album it was great. And then the commercials started. I don't mind a song being licensed out for a few t.v. spots: they are trying to make some money, after all. But when every single song on the album is saturated to the point of being sickening, you have a problem. It's so upsetting that I'm not even gonna talk about the album. Every time I hear it I imagine slo mo soccer and silver cars cruising around serene countryside, and that's not my happy place. Everybody on the planet has heard this album anyway. Instead I'm gonna interview the man himself, and see if he can't explain himself about this.

So, Moby, here we are, face to face, ready for a nice conversation on the state of he music business today. It's good to have you here.

Why thank you, I-

SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU OVEREXPOSED SWINE!!!!! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!?!??!?!!

Uh, well, you see at the time I had a hard time getting exposure, so I-

What? Sold your soul for bigger sales? Is that it? Hey, my ass doesn't get much exposure, but you don't see me painting a swoosh on it! Anyway, I'm now painting your head white with concentric red circles on it.

Hey! Stop that! Why are you doing that?

Um, duh! So that I have a target for the frogs! You see, I'm going to listen to your album, and every time I think of an associated product, I'm going to whip live frogs at your head using this Jai Alai thingie.

Oh my God! Why would you do such a thing? That's horrible!

Oh, but don't worry, I'll give every dead frog a decent burial in a sort of Flander's Field for frogs... in coffins made of cheese! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

You monster!

Ha ha ha. But that's enough picking on your vegan sensibilities for now. Let's get to the album. Uh-oh, I'd better load up some frogs right now!

That's it! I'm outta here! You'll be hearing from Peta!

And that's when Moby took off like a big flaming loser. I guess he was too weak-willed to tackle the hard ISSUES of music and modern media. Feh.

Davin says:
ALl this talk about frog killing made me hungry
I bought eight copies!