You are visitor 148166, a syphilis-carrying vactioning nimble steak-like beer
August 21, 2019

Hello and welcome to the Darva Conger show! I'm the disembodied spirit of Joe Piscopo filling in for Darva Conger. Today all of our guests are horrible beasts, just itching to have someone take a paintbrush or a shovel to their faces and make them into the hot sex objects they should be. We brought in the premier make up artist in the world, Fidel Castro, to give them all amazing makeovers! Hello, Fidel!


Let's bring out our first guest! He's kind of native looking, wears funny pajamas, and is about to take a long voyage into fabulousness! Welcome Robert Beltran!

Hey yo hey yo hey yo! What's happening my bitches? Yo, R.B. in tha HOUUUUUUSSSE!

So Robert, why do you want a makeover?

Yo, I don' need no makeover, man! Check out my stuff! I'm just here to give a big shout out to my crew! Spacesiiiiiiiiiide!

Ok then, you're still contractually obligated to a makeover so I hope that goes well for you. Our second guest is the "Hello my future girlfriend kid", Michael! Come on out!

Hello my future girlfriends! This is what I look like! Control yourself, future girlfriends!

Now, Michael, why do you want a... nevermind. Our third contestant is popular hip-hop artist and J-Lo's sloppy seconds P. Diddy! Get out here P. Diddy!

Yo, the sun don't shine forever, so as long as we're here we might as well shine together.

So why did you decide to come here, P. Diddy?

Well, disembodied spirit of Joe Piscopo, lately I just felt that no matter what I did I just couldn't get pretty enough. I mean, look at me! I should be the prettiest person in this place!

Fair enough, freakshow.

Hey! Hey! I'd just like to say to the first guest, you ain't all that! That's right! And to the second person, you need to stick with your past girlfriend! And to the first guest, you are also not all that! Okay? Talk to the hand! Talk to the hand! Woof! Woof! Woof!

What? What? Check out my stuff! Check out my stuff! I am ALLLLL of that!

Well let's get Fidel to work and after the break we'll see three whole new faces! Don't go away!

After the commerical break...