You are visitor 141625, a syphilis-carrying nude elven religious uncle
May 24, 2017

~Ask LES 4!~

Bring it on, LES!

Ooohhhh, baby, I'm feeling saucy today!

Um, I already told you, you get none of the sex from me!

No, you fool, I simply want to bathe in marinara sauce!

Hello, my dear, dear readers. I've been busy the last few months working on my biography: The LES: Life, Love, Courage and Ham. My publisher says it'll be a big seller because most of the globe is in it. I'm looking forward to all that butter money. So, before I get back to that, let's hit the mailbag.

Dear LES,

Well I'm a first timer at this kind of thing, but I'll get right to the point. I have recently got a pair of glasses. And they're very nice, but I'm worried about what my friends will say when I go back to school with them on. I'm affraid of terms like "4 Eyes" and that sort. I'm basically seeking some guidance as to how to break this type of news to my friends. Well I suppose I could fake it, and not wear them while my friends are around, but alas, I need them to see distances farther than 5 - 10 feet. What should I do?

Also, I just wanted to tell you how wonderfully ripe you've become. (Bikini pic = BOING!) And I didn't mind waiting the ten days to download your pic, it was well worth the wait. So thank YOU LES! :)

Little Jimmy Four Eyes

Dear Eric,

Listen up Nancy Glass-Face, and listen good! Maybe you don't care about other people's feelings, but that doesn't mean you should ignore them! Wearing glasses is an affront to the eyes of us beautiful people. Don't even THINK of wearing those things out. Trust me, you'll thank me later. Maybe looking at my pictures is why you need glasses... remember what the Catholics say about masterbation! Come to think of it, why just look at it when you can have the real thing? Ohhh, baby, hurry!

I'm going back to work now, so until next time, try to stay away from my back end for a bit; I just ate a buffet, and keep those letters coming in!