You are visitor 141862, a syphilis-carrying nude hacking cavorting beer
June 25, 2017

~Ask LES!~

2!!

Take it away, LES!

Thanks, sugar! Now why don't you be a dear and get me a tub of beef fat, extra salty!

I'm not your damn butler!

There better be a tub of salty beef fat here by the time I'm done, or I'll be forced to eat whatever is nearby, food!

One.. no two tubs of fat, coming right up!

That's better. Now, you may be wondering why it's been so long between articles. Well, despite the hundreds of questions I get, I see most of you on a regular basis. It's only now that I've found a few that I can't answer personnally. Here we go!

Deer LES,

50m3t1m3s 1 ph34r 1 4m n0t 3l33t 3n0uff 4 h4X0ring w1m1n. g1rlz r n0t impre55ed by my 5k1llZ. c4n u h3lp? th4t VV00d b3 w00t!!!!

digit4l c0ncu55hun

Dear ???,

What? I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume you're a virgin. Here's what you need to do: stop talking like a dyslexic cat on PCP, turn off your computer and join the real world. Actually, screw it. Just come over to my place.

Dear LES,

Woo hoo! I won! I won! They didn't think I could do it, but I won! I'm the most powerful man on the planet! How does that feel, knowing that now I can have any woman I want, and I don't have to go to you for cheap one-nighters! I'm better than you! I'm better than everyone! I'm king of the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I CONTROL THE BOMB!!!!

King of Everything

Dear George,

Well well well, look at Mr. Power Trip. I'd be worryed about you having control over nukes, but I know from experience you have problems hitting a little red button, if you catch my drift.

Dear LES,

My mom is a kind of a bitch. She's totally overbearing and controls my life at every opprotunity. And I'm miles away from her! It's not like she can really do anything to me; she's a big ball of immobile pork. When I lived at home she'd win arguments by threatening to sit on me. Yet she still dominates my life. What can I do?

Oedipus Had it Easy

Dear Davin,

WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM??? YOU GET SHELTER, MONEY, FOOD (LOT'S OF FOOD) AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME!!?!? I'm buying you a ticket home. BE ON IT! Ungrateful punk.



Sorry about that, folks. That's it. Remember, that email address is ultra_les@hotmail.com. Kisses!