You are visitor 148166, a syphilis-carrying vactioning nimble steak-like beer
August 21, 2019

el FroshWeek!!!

So another year began at the good 'ol University of Waterloo. As is tradition with such things, this was celebrated through drinking. Lots of drinking. I can't stress this enough. Lots.

Anyway, the entire first week of mayhem tends to peak at the annual WCRI scunt, the scavenger hunt so illegal that we have to shrink the name so it can be safely hidden away for a year. To set the stage, in my first year here we were responsible for:
  • Naked footraces.
  • Stealing an outhouse. The outhouse remained in the quad for at least a month.
  • Naked riding of a bronze bull
  • Getting hit by a car (Yes, he did get points for it).
  • Naked posing on a water tower
  • Stealing a goat from a petting zoo.
  • Nudity
All this was fine and dandy, but I missed out on almost the whole thing! Well this year I decided things would be different. As an added incentive, my building (SouthRocks) had lost to Hammerislame the previous year. I knew deep down that I would have to take an active part if we were gonna win this year. This is a chronicle of my night. Keep in mind that I was running about most of the night and thus missed a fair amount of the gags. Namely, most of the nudity. Sorry, guys.

The scunt is technically an all day thing, however you can't do anything substantial before dark because, well, you'll get caught! So my crew and I just chilled all day dreaming our dreamy dreams and waiting. That and getting the Scunt God (South's own Geoff) drunk. Or attempting to. Note to self: buy beer beforehand next time.

La la la la la la Obviously, I didn't take any pictures of that, so I thought I'd put a picture of Bailey here. This picture was from before he got his hair cut short, and he's looking all happy and gay. Well, just... nevermind, too easy.

So we while we were wasting time for most of the day North was running about having "good clean fun" getting points from stuff that was on the "scunt list" like borrowing the Gold Elvis head from Mel's and getting a bunch of AHS students to do their chant and noise like that. Toward the end of the day someone started to get the right idea and flopped their bad bits around outside the Mel's window, while a plant inside pointed and screamed. Now THAT's what I'm talking about! Anyway, all this wholesome fun would soon prove to be of no avail against the time-tested strategy of SEX AND VIOLENCE!!!

I don't have any pictures of all this nonsense either, so here's a pic of Eric dressed like Steve. It's funny, because he really looks like a Chinese Steve! That's the funniest thing ever! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ok, I'm done. Eric: "Yeeeeaah... OK."
You MONSTER! In our continued stupor-I mean while planning strategy! Yeah! we found that Weedy had a rather large plastic Santa to destroy. Here's Joel carving out the crotch. Yes, he's carving out the crotch. Hmmmmmm.
The true nature of Joel's twisted game becomes apparent when Weedy takes one of the $40 worth of whip cream we have for some reason and squirts it through a strategically placed tube. Joel then immediately got bizzay on it. Ok, in all seriousness, in order to insure that this would work for our purposes, was it necessary for Joel to get down and guzzle? I mean, creamy goodness oozing from Santa's crotch isn't sufficient, you have to give it a test run? Anyway, this is an awesome picture.
Not as easy as it looks, is it?
12 points Now most of the naked highjinks aparently went down while we were off mutilating Santa for our sick games. Here's one of the less extreme examples I obtained from a friend. Now the real reason I posted this pic is not the obvious one, but rather for the body language of the people around her. Most of these people look like they're at a freakin' tennis match. The judge, Geoff on the right, looks like he's thinking, "Sure, they're boobies, but where do I go from here? What meaning is there?" Geoff. Boobs.
Darkness struck with the power of a thousand angry pianos, and so it was time to wheel out our creation. Click here for the full effect. So we brought Santa in under a blanket and loaded in Weedy armed with three cans of whipped cream. Then we made all the South frosh we could find (who were all guys for some reason. Hmmmm....), lined them up and made them orally please Kris Kringle!! My favourite thing about the whole ordeal is this cherry picture of Bai. Hah.
That's a cockblock
Hey!  I'm not done yet! Wait wait, let's see that again! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Why did the monkey fall out of the Christmas Tree? 'cause it was DEAD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (about one person gets that joke. Chances are, it ain't you!)
Here's some other poor shmoe doing his duty. Doesn't this remind you of that one scene in Boogie Nights...? Anyway...
Bow before me!!! After it was all over, out burst Weedy like a triumpant butterfly, ready to take on a new day! I don't know what was up with this, but it got us big points.
At this point, we were working on our big scheme, while the other buildings tried to rally with their own dirty tricks. One was stealing a portable billboard and rearanging the letters to say something to the effect of "North Rules" or something. Hammar shaved words into a dog, which I must admit was pretty cool. Again, I have no pictures of this stuff, so here's Jon in his Halloween costume. Yikes!
Come to the Dark Side! You might be wondering what we did with that $40 worth of whip cream? Same thing we did with the four jars of cherries; dumped them in a kiddie pool and got two people to wrassle in them. Now, it wasn't a ***** match by any stretch of the imagination, but I think we got some issues resolved and came out better people! You know, I think we asked every girl in South that night, and we STILL only got one! Finding a guy was not difficult. Line of the night: "He's got a boner!"
All night long, the elusive and dangerous Mad Dog was running around armed only with a couple screwdrivers, A DM and a ton of Frosh attacking every sign on campus. He was crafty. He was swift. He got us 4,000,000 points. This picture doesn't quite capture just how many signs there were. Rest assured, though, that most of them found their way back to campus, ending up in a pile in front of the Campus Police station. Except the one for the Campus Police building. Oh Mad Dog, you crafty evil devil! (Click on the sound link above again).
But how will I find my classes?

elcyberGoth's final thought: And so our wild night came to an end. The fire department showed up a short while later regarding the 15 foot bonfire we had going, and spoiled all our fun. We also had pizza and dropped a big rock on Piggy. All in all, it was a rewarding night. Take care of each other.

Back to articles

Return to index