You are visitor 141868, a syphilis-carrying nude hacking cavorting automobile
June 27, 2017

Nobody updates their site daily and isn't a sucker for feedback. It just so happens that I'm a nobody, so I guess that includes me. A little ways back I recieved an email from a Matt S., who was exposed by Google to be Aureole from the message boards. He had written a letter claiming to be Juicy Julie's less attractive friend, who respects you as a person. Now Juicy Julie broke my heart, but I thought I could give her friend a chance. What followed quickly turned into a remarkably insane dialogue, and it would seem a waste for it to rot in my mailbox. Seeing as how my SWF match with Aureole is currently in progress, it seems fitting that I post this here.

I will be represented by my EZBoard icon, This is the most viewed image on this site. and use the colour scheme of Dangerous K, Toshiaki Kawada, yellow and black.

Aureole will be represented by his own icon, This isn't what I meant by a red-eyed squirrel... and the colours of Kawada rival Mitsuharu Misawa, green and white.

Furry composition.
Hah. Cool site. I'll read more when this morning's work avoidance ramps into overdrive.

Note: from the snacks machine here, there are a range of snacks which have a little "taste-o-meter" on them. Dunno how they work or are calibrated, but they range okay-nice-extra-tasty-DANGEROUSLY TASTY. Reckless youth that I am, product of the Pepsi generation, I have sampled the DANGEROUSLY TASTY products, without misfortune (so far). The other day, a callous cynical part of my soul realised that they were all classified DANGEROUSLY TASTY. Then I realised that the company probably only saw fit to release the DANGEROUSLY TASTY products to use, deciding that anything less was sacralige. Now. The other day, I realised that the maching had started selling "Chilli Twists" which were only Extra-Tasty. Was this something sinister on behalf of the company, perhaps a marketing ploy or maybe a sign of slipping standards? I felt obliged to investigate. Not only were the "Chilli Twists" nice, they were, in my opinion, more tasty than the produced, designated by this firm as DANGEROUSLY TASTY. So, the question I am left with, is: is it the fault of my palate, is the companies' assignation of Tastiness Index at fault or is it impossible to rate something as subjective as "Tastiness"?

MattS

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"It's better to have loved and lost than to have a knitting needle shoved up your left nostril."

I responded to this onslaught of nonsense with:

The j210 special
Clearly, the DANGEROUSLY TASTY warning is intended not to protect your mature and STUPIFYINGLY STRONG adult tastebuds, but the younger, weaker taste buds of small children. The real cause of all those high school shootings was in fact due to overpowered snacks. With a head full of cheezie cheese powder, there's no telling how an impressionable head will react. Thus the machine at your work is stocked with DANGEROUSLY TASTY snacks because they trust that only sufficiently mature people will be able to use it. It's like cigarette machines in bars.

-Aaron

I thought that was settled, but he came back with:

The red eye special.
This may be true. My fear is the the DANGEROUSLY TASTY snacks are actually dangerous due to a higher content of some lactose product - possibly carcinogenic - because the "Cheese 'n' Ham Toasties" are loaded with this compound. This would also possibly explain why I did not gain such a level of thrill from the potato and maize composite comestibles, since I have a higher adrenalin threshold than most young adults, due to misadventures in my youth that I fear I could not relate here, for fear of boring you.

Cigarette machines are also found in bars, but the smoking age in England is 16, meaning that most children start at 12-14, although I personally know of one enterprising tyke who was addicted at 10 and was on Nicorette (c) by 12. Mostly they are found in bars because tobacco (and more specifically) nicotine changes the dopamine receptors inside the central cortex, leading to a more exaggerated reaction to most other dopamine-effecting narcotics. What I find curious is that there is little curiousity in extracting and using nicotine without the less-pleasant side-effects of smoking *any* plant matter (pyrene, for one).

MattS

This was rapidly getting out of hand. Yet still I persevered:

Yoiiiing!
I know from personal experience that certain snack foods are too high powered for some children. It's interesting that you bring up the topic of nicotene, though, because studies have shown that nicotene has the side effect of offsetting the persuasive nature of tasty snacks. As an added bonus, it makes you cooler. Did you know that the vending machines in Columbine high school were stocked only with pork rinds? And not just any pork rinds, but a clerical error led to the stocking of the machine with EXTRA TASTY pork rinds. Note that this particular brand is only stocked in dirty biker bars and in underwater cities. The tragedy there could have been avoided if they had only stocked the machine with wholesome cigarettes.

Further studies have shown that smoking crack is good too. So everybody should smoke more of the crack.

I recieved a response in short order, with the following spooky header: Democracy never works

Yes. They're ALL different.
I know from personal experience that certain snack foods are too high powered for some children. It's interesting that you bring up the topic of nicotene, though, because studies have shown that nicotene has the side effect of offsetting the persuasive nature of tasty snacks. As an added bonus, it makes you cooler. Did you know that the vending machines in Columbine high school were stocked only with pork rinds? And not just any pork rinds, but a clerical error led to the stocking of the machine with EXTRA TASTY pork rinds. Note that this particular brand is only stocked in dirty biker bars and in underwater cities. The tragedy there could have been avoided if they had only stocked the machine with wholesome cigarettes.

What I always feel is a tradegy, following the decision to award $2 billion to an ex-smoker now suffering from throat cancer, is that no-one ever thanks the cigarette industry for all the good they've done. Certainly, I don't think the world would be half as stable as it is today without the alert professionals in the defense business, for example, and their sure, steady nerves as a result of a heroic cigarette intake. Oh, no, instead people whine about the so-called toxicity of the product and how they "covered it up". Sure, if they'd told people, then they'd've been sued for the emotion distress that they caused their customers.

Further studies have shown that smoking crack is good too. So everybody should smoke more of the crack.

Admittedly, this study mostly consisted of people sitting in their mates front room, and every half hour being asked "Do you want more crack". The fact that almost all of them said "yes" indicates that it is, indeed, good.

MattS

He had a good point, so I carried out my own study:

This is your finger.  This is your finger in the air.  Any questions?
I've performed my own tests on what is good. Here are the results:

Smoking: I couldn't get the damn thing to light, then I burned my finger, panicked and threw the whole lot in the toilet. Thus, undecided.
Crack: Pretttyy goo oooo ddd...
Ham Sandwich: I can't complain. I did not shoot anything, so it's safe at least for that.
Thrusting my head through plate glass: I cannot recommend this in good faith.
Standing around construction sites and calling passing ladies 'Hot Mama' or 'Sexy Bitch': Mixed bag. At first I had a good time and made some new construction friends, but one woman kicked me square in the groin with the flat of her foot. My construction friends seemed to find this even MORE funny. Dejected, I hobbled home.

He came back with his own interpretations of the results:

All of them!
Smoking: I couldn't get the damn thing to light, then I burned my finger, panicked and threw the whole lot in the toilet. Thus, undecided.

Persever. Although the hacking coughing fits at first seem as if the WILL NEVER END, it is all for the good, since the dream image of yourself in a hi-tek (Star-trek-esque (is it okay if I make new words by appending "esque" to a proper noun? Thanks)) operating room, with nothing but your malignant tumour and a bevvy of beauties attracted to your manly, gravelly voice. Not through tar, but because of the trach-tube you sport. You stud.

Crack: Pretttyy goo oooo ddd...

Remember, it's a PARTY drug. So offer it around. Anyone who make look at you strange is too "uptight" and could do with a quick shot of "Vitamin Crack" (I made this up. There isn't really a Vitamin Crack, although it would be funny if there was. Wouldn't it? WOULDN'T IT? ANSWER ME, DAMN YOU, DON'T THINK FOR A MOMENT YOU CAN .. oh, my mistake. B12 is real though, which proves the world is odder than I could ever invent) to help their woes.

Ham Sandwich: I can't complain. I did not shoot anything, so it's safe at least for that.

Was this taken orally? If so, please be informed of labelling error. Ham sandwiches are designed for Aural intake only. Try to position yourself centrally in the room and wonder what sort of moron actually buys gold interconnects for a stereo. Resist the urge to eat the sandwich, unless you really want to.

Thrusting my head through plate glass: I cannot recommend this in good faith.

Plates made of glass silly. Stick to plastic, with those little plastic forks that can't cut anything properly. NURSE! NURSE!

Standing around construction sites and calling passing ladies 'Hot Mama' or 'Sexy Bitch': Mixed bag. At first I had a good time and made some new construction friends, but one woman kicked me square in the groin with the flat of her foot. My construction friends seemed to find this even MORE funny. Dejected, I hobbled home.

Pretending to be a construction worker ISN'T funny. Oh sure, you get to meet "the lads" and socialise, maybe make a few friends. Think you "fit in", and that construction work is for you? It's all fun and games, till someone asks you to carry some bricks, and then the burning shame as you realise that you've been faking it, and you don't belong. Lives are at stake, boyo.

For a cheap and easy buzz, I recommend stamp licking? You know that the US postal service has been cutting the adhesive gum with heroin to boost sales. Why do you think people have been impulsively writing letters to each other? Because they want to know how they are? You are SOOO naive.

MS

Stunned by this newfound knowledge, I began my work on exposing the government for the corrupt empire they really are. Thus this is how it came to be that I was able to bring the U.S. government to it's knees. It was pretty sweet.

At the end of the day, I guess I learned a few things. For instance, snack food is a hot topic of choice the world over. Also, it's probably best not to encourage a British person when silliness is involved. And finally, this is the end of the update.

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