You are visitor 147946, a syphilis-carrying vactioning back flipping arrogant aunt
July 17, 2019

Return of an old style
06.08.2002 12:33 PM

Back in the day this site used to be way more E/N. That is, endless pontificating on the intricacies of my very interesting life. When I realized that no one cares about my very interesting life I switched focus to the bizarre and very random nonsense you've come to expect from ECG DOT COM.

However, sometimes a body just needs to ramble about their personal lives, if only to attempt to live up to the man, the legend, Wil Wheaton. Fortunately, I've made a handy warning tag, letting you know in advance that the following update will have some E/N in it, and is thus somewhat gay.

Anyway, here goes.

My Mom called me up the other day and said, "Guess what? We bought a new house!" Now this came as a bit of a surprise to me, as I didn't really know they were looking for a new house, but there it is. It seems that the moving date will be right around the time I next go home, so when I get there all my stuff will be boxed up. It's gonna be a real pain in the ass to find all my He-man and G.I.Joe figures so I can have a massive battle in the front yard, but that's the way things are.

It's a little strange to move out of the house you grew up in to some strange new house, which might contain spirits of the dead or Louie Anderson. More disconcerting is that I'll be leaving behind all my favourite cubby holes from my youth, as well as my illicit hydroponics operation in the attic. So I thought I'd compare and contrast between the two locations in an attempt to find some parity.

The Old House

The neighbourhood kids come over to play.  I shot them in the guts.
There's so many fond memories in the old place. I spent many an hour playing in it's gothic moon base areas and in Hell. Then, around the time I got my double-barrelled shotgun I found all new friends to play with, and Hell came to Earth! No more commute for me! My Mom is an interior decorator, and it shows in the place. For instance, not just any Jane Sunday would think to hang disembowled marines on the walls. What's more, there were spots on the floors all over the place that would open doors when you stepped on them. It was too sweet. Of course, there were usually a bunch of ugly demons behind the doors, but it's my Mom; obviously she's gonna have a strange sense of humor.

There was so much to do back then. There were always dead Imps lying around with their innards hanging out. The odd thing was that their crotches were always pointing at me. It was pretty weird, but once you get used to it there's all kinds of fun to be had by running around and making those wacky corpses spin madly. Also, my friends used to come over all the time and I'd explode them with rocket launchers. It was good times.

Don't think it was all fun all the time. The place might have been crawling with hell-beasts and decorated with disembowled people, but it had it's downsides as well. For instance, I could never jump or look up and down there. It was strange, and you wouldn't believe the problems I'd have trying to take a leak. Plus, my house ran really choppy on anything less than a 486 DX2. There was also this big minotaur guy with a rocket launcher. He was a real asshole.

The New House

Mom and Dad check out the new digs.  Looks cozy!
I haven't really heard to much about this new house, except that it's "bigger, badder and looks more amazing than anything I've seen before." My Dad has always been big on hyperbole. Pretty much all I know about the new place is based on pictures my Mom sent me. She told me it's designed by the same people that did our old house, and comes stocked with hell demons, which is always a plus. I'm sure she'll apply her touch to give it that cozy Pits Of Hell look. However I have my doubts as to whether it can be the same. I grew up in the old place, and I'm used to its little ways. The constant screaming and growling, the hordes of very violent creatures just standing around waiting for me to show up... will the new place bring this to me? Will it still be home?
Oh well, I guess I'll have to wait and see. I guess it's not overly important, though; these days I'm mostly trying to set up my own house, and that's what really matters.