You are visitor 147792, a syphilis-carrying vactioning back flipping brown monkey
June 26, 2019

So this is what real life feels like
02.04.2002 11:28 PM

When taking breaks from weeping in the corner of my room while wrapped in IDE cable I've been finding new ways to entertain myself without the benefit of a tricked out super-duper multimedia computing machine. I've been playing Baldur's Gate recently, and I thought, "Hey, if this is fun by myself, why not try it for real?" So I stepped out into that big blue room that's really cold and headed to the lounge in the nearby math building, also known as THE COMFY LOUNGE OF DOOM. It's real easy to find a session of p 'n p (pen 'n penis for all you neophytes) there, and I found a Dungeons and Dragons game to join quickly.

Now, I've played maybe half an hour of real D 'n D, and that was with one of those cheater sets that had maps and tiles and stuff, so creating my character was a little rough. However, I eventually crafted a masterpiece: "Guerrin'daar, the Gay Dwarf". Sporting an erection +3 all my party members had to roll 1D6 to save vs. flaming. Soon enough we were out in search of fabulous adventure.

Now, role-playing a Gay Dwarf isn't as easy as you might think. It's not like playing a sexy Elven Nurse with cursed panties of falling-off: the whole system just isn't structured for massive amounts of homosexual behaviour. Basically my gameplay consisted of tossing away Cloaks of Awesomeness while making catty remarks about their colours and calling everything fabulous. But don't go thinking I ran around screaming during battles like some little pansy; I may be a Gay Dwarf but I'm still a Dwarf, dammit! I'm butch as fuck!

Eventually the other players kicked me out for constantly inviting people to join our game and make a character to have gay sex with my gay dwarf. What a bunch of immature losers. It's just a game!